Bar Hopping Series - Club Reseda

I got off work early and wanted to do some pre-celebrating  before the New Year at my cousin's house. Unfortunately, Crazy Harry wasn't going to open till 6 pm. so the only alternative was to try some place new, Club Reseda. It earned my disappointment. It's just a beer and wine dive with a bad selection of brews. Typical Mexican joint and I didn't want to hang with  the patrons. Lucy was tending bar. What made the place amusing was Frank and Ray. The minute I walked in I overheard them razing the regulars of the place. Say shit like "look my grandma came in" in reference to an older, portly lady. So we got to talking about the bars around the San Fernando Valley. Ray talked about a bar in Sun Valley that had more of a real south of the border feel than Club Reseda..way south of the border. Ray said when he went to use the john some guy was offering free samples of coke from a baggie. Kinda like when they have those free samples of sausages at Costco, but instead its coke. So everytime he had to take a piss he was uncomfortable being near Mr. Coke Pusher Man. He said the placed look like it was controlled some Mexican Gangsters, La M. You could tell who were the gangsters, because of their Norteno outfits. Ray said its the first and last time he'll ever hang around there. Ray is kinda of joker with Frank being the but of his jokes. One time Ray sold Frank some grass clippings and told him it was weed. Another time Ray sold Frank some chalk, the kinda chalk used to mark the lines on the football field and told him it was coke. Frank would snort some and then two seconds later Frank's nose started to bleed.

Barhopping - Layoffs, Girl from Ipanema, Flavelas

Due to cost cutting and budgetary constraints the company will need to fire some people...Management was doing away with our Policy Owner Services (POS) Department. Management decided to move the functions of POS to the Amarillo offices, where the cost of labor and cost of living was cheaper. The former employees were all given severance packages. November 20, 2012 was their last day and they decided to celebrate at TGIF.

Jackie, tall, dark and lovely was serving my favorite when there are no other favorable darkies-Guiness.

 The question of the evening was what you would do with your severance proceeds. Selena said she was going to move to Bali, Indonesia which prompted me to give the greeting of As-salamu alaykum and she replied back alaikum salam. She would be worshiped in an Islamic country like Indonesia because she was dark and voluptuous.  Selena was a bit tipsy during the evening and kept harping on me to get Ricardo's ass (my fellow office mate) to the party. I sent several harassing phone calls to Ricardo who was still at his cubicle but finally got to the party.

The most interesting use of the severance package belongs to Brian. Brian had vacationed in Brazil. On the beach of Ipanema, while having one of the best pizza, shaped into a cone, he saw Her.

Maria behind some beer.

She was with her three friends, coming from the beach, topless and going to take a shower. Brian was harpooned by Her. She came over. She smiled. They talked. She said there was going to be a party at the favela, she gave Brian the address.

The taxi wouldn't go into the favelas. Gorgeous girls left their taxis, and paid motorcycle taxi to take them into the favelas. The favelas were lit up like stars strewn across the hillside. Brian was at the appointed place waiting and dancing. She showed up around 3:00 am. They hung out until the morning hours. Brian is going back to her.

The POS party ended at around 9:30 pm. POS party started at 4:30 pm. I nightcapped at Webers. Jocelyn was seving. Formerly she was student majoring in psychology and minored in threater.

Barhopping-Purdy Effect, Spit in My Face, On Being an Nothingness

I walked into Dublin's as the Raiders game was ending. I got into a conversation with Tomas at the bar. Tomas called the Raiders, Traiders because they used to be an LA team and they betrayed us by moving to Oakland. "But if you had to be a team that came from some place that is hardcore which would you choose:  Los Angeles or Oakland?," I asked. "Oakland.", he said. "It would be like a football team, Angelenos brought over being supported like some place that was hardcore like Compton." Our conversation segued into Tomas and my itinerant ways and places we've lived and one of the places we had not lived is Compton. I noted the Purdy effect of hiring a cute bartender and greeter in Dublins. "That's to bring more guys into the door.", Tomas said. "Word!." Rene was tending bar, kinda like Irene except with out the "I". To me that sounded very Irish. I had two drinks (the other a Guiness, the Smithwick ($4.00 draft) was to pale to be for me) and bolted.

Got off at the Cypress/Lincoln Heights station walked over several blocks to La Blanc. Just football on the big screens. But they were playing a good set of oldies:  LA Woman by the Doors, House of the Rising Sun by the Animals, etc. Over the bar they had sign: "Beer: Helping Ugly People have Sex since 1862."

Mushroom chicken and orange chicken.

I walked down Broadway and needed to sober up with some food at "Five Chinese??", a small mom and pop joint. Mom and pop had 3 little boys scampering around. The littlest boy was so happy to see me, he greeted me with a smile but he had a mouthful of spit which he squeezed out between his teeth at me. I felt like reenacting the scene from Ace Ventur-Pet Detective's "Show of Affection."

I

 Jumped back on the Metro, got off on the Highland Park station, and headed for the Cave. Got checked in by Tony.

I had a Murphy's Irish Stout. Good crowd for a Sunday night, kinda expected since tomorrow was a holiday for some. The jazzy band did their instrumental version of Sublime's Santeria.

I took the 81 bus line to the Black Boar where I had another Murphy's.

I would have been good to see Brenda to top off the evening. But it ended up like Being and Nothingness.

Barhopping series - Steak n' Eggs, Too Clubby

Famished and cold. Nothing like Norm's steak and eggs to appease my hunger and sober me up.

At the Hully Gully, got checked in by having my id looked over and being frisked by security. (Shook hands with security and he looked down during the handshake.) Paid a $10.00 cover. The music was 80's and very loud. At the bar they didn't have any dark beers, and no Guiness. My natural tendency is to drink Pabst when it comes to drinking pisswater and f*ck Heineken. I was texting at the time and some lady says something about "do I always have to be connected?" When the music is this loud and my feeling for the place is le mepris because it is so clubby and not divey enough; my consolation is to text. But my reply was: "Its getting close to 1:00 am, the witching hour when they stop serving. It's best you drink up while you still can."

Barhopping series - Lost a Girl to My Best Friend, Cancer Stick Pimp, Zee & Ray

When I used to live in Downey, I'd go cruising (not in the gay-sense) and I'd see some bars that would interest me but I didn't have the balls to go in. Anarchy Library Bar is on of those bars.

Walked over from Cocktails to the Anarchy, got checked in by Bob The Bouncer (silver maned elderly fellow with a goattee) and its still too early for 9 o'clock. The DJ was still setting up. Asked the DJ the genre of music?, it would be 80's. I requested "She's Lost Control" by Joy Division and got it.

Rei (Raylene?, Rashene?) dark hair in a French Bob beauty was serving at the bar. Later, Zee another dark haired beauty would bar tend. I love the bartenders nom de guerre or nom d'artiste. Started talking to another barfly in glasses, mustache and goatee but he was very reticent. Cancer stick pimp asked us if we wanted some free cigarettes. Sure I said. Cancer stick pimp didn't have the pack on him but he would give us a coupon if we told him our e-mail address. I was about to tell him to sod off, when I conned him into bumming a cigarette off him to smoke outside. Talked and smoked with Bob and Cancer Stick Pimp. I expected to get a jag from the cig but it was so f*cking cold I couldn't feel the hit. I got the free cig and didn't have to shell out my e-mail address.

Got to talking with Reticent Barfly about women. The subject set Reticent Barfly off and he became more real and talkative. He had just lost his girl to his best friend. He called a whore.

Barhopping - Faded Glories, and Scary Paul

 I was in Downey looking to drink and socialize but the bar I wanted to go to didn't open till 8:30 pm. Downey must have zero tolerance for drunks during the day. "Puritanism and Productivity." is probably the city's motto. I cruise down Bellflower Blvd and see this hole in the wall, The Midway.

 Somehow the name is apropos since the bar is probably a relic from World War II and most of the clients look to be from "the greatest generation." I wanted to use the head and I accidently walk in on a guy who's peeing. I apologize and excuse myself. After he comes out of the head, I apologize about the door not being locked and he goes on: "Its okay, I'm only holding my Johnson in my hand." My reply back, "Well, so long as its not another man holding your Johnson. (That's a schooner-size of Newcastle for $5.00. The only dark beer they have in the place. They don't even carry Guiness.)

Iron Lion. Zion.

MaryAnn is tending bar. She has the deepest dimples I have ever seen. They are deep because of former piercings. Some older middle age guy is going on about how he used to be in a band and how much pussy he used to get. What purpose does that conversation serve? Anyways, I thought this was going to be a straight up country western bar until they started playing U2 and this gem from REM. 

On the other side of the street from the Anarchy Library Bar is as the sign says. Patricia is tending bar. Paul's been drinking for while, prepping himself before he goes to the karaoke bar, where he says there are a lot of hot women. Paul says he's never blackouted from drinking too much and he starts his story  of how he argued his way out of a drunk driving arrest.
"So why did you stop me officer..You think I was drunk...So you THINK  I was drunk..HOW DO YOU ESTABLISH SOMEONE IS DRUNK BY THINKING THEY ARE DRUNK!!!" The further he got into his story, the louder he got, the more obnoxious became and he'd get in your face. Then he goes on about how much profit can be generated as a business owner. I play myself off as the ingenu, watch the show and enjoy the ride. My take away is lose the chip on your shoulder and you'll be free.

As far as decent beers, Cocktails is the only place with a good dark brew, Arrogant Bastard Dark Ale.

 

Bar Hopping Series-Gone Daddy Gone, Contra Vida #2, More Tatts

Its like a bad detective novel. Bad like lousy. The dick doesn't get together with  the girl at the end of the story. The case is unsolvable just like life.

I'm at Karla's. Gabriella and Leti are here but no Emily. No Emily.

I snooze. I lose. Now the girl is Gone Daddy Gone. Emily sounds like Memoria.

I jump on the Metro towards the Cave. I get off at the Highland station with a homely looking middle age girl. The smell of the Bhudda is in the air and I naturally comment, "Why does this place always smell like a medical marijuana dispensary?" Which gets a nervous laugh. Middle-age angster is from back east and just had dinner at her parent's house. I mumble something about going to church (my religion is drink and I'm going to worship at the Cave.) Middle-age angster takes my mumblings to mean I just came from church. I tell her I'm going for a drink. I tell her "just to be polite, would you like to join me?" She declines.

I meet Tony the Younger (the bouncer) and exchange greetings.  A jazz band is playing, a few of their friends are there to see them. I meet Contra Vida #2 at the bar. Contra Vida #2 and I will have no common ground in our conversation. But I still talk to her about meeting 2 mystics Friday night and my spell of bad luck. (I thought I had my car stolen.) which is not really bad luck. The bad luck is finding out I'm not impervious to alcoholic blackouts and not knowing what happened afterwards. But to Contra Vida #2 its not bad luck.

Contra Vida #2 leaves. I leave shortly after. Some guy is talking to Tony the Younger about trying to hit it with his ex-wife. I tell him, "Dude, save yourself the frustration." I jump on the bus and head towards The Black Boar.

The regulars are there. Dave The Bouncer. Brenda "Kitty" the bar keep. Adrian, San Francisco ex-pat bar fly.

 To me Brenda is a cyber punk, goth, tatted anime pixie with bubbly Joie de vivre. The closest representation would be Masamune Shirow's Seska.

Did I just over hear Brenda just broke up with her boyfriend and its over? Some barfly told Brenda the reason why he keeps coming back to the Black Boar is because of  Brenda's awesome breasts. Brenda replied, "They are pretty magical, aren't they?" I put my head down on the bar and had a laugh.

Bar Hopping Series - The Bard , A Hybrid of Roseanna Roseannadanna/Lisa Loopner/Natalie Portman

 As I walk into the Hermosillo, I notice an attentive eye from a brunette who's talking to her older friend. However, I realize I don't have enough dinero in my wallet to entertain the both of them and dismiss the possibilities. I just order the Shakespeare stout. The other dark brews I notice on the wall menu are the Sublimely Self-Righteous (American Black Ale) and the Wee Heavy (as Scotch Ale). My taste buds can't wait to taste those ladies out.

After finishing the Bard, I walk over to Johnny's. I'm having the Big Black Bear Stout. The bartender's name is Tia whose giving me the Gilda Radner character feel along with a Natalie Portman vibe. I didn't like the Natalie Portman character in Garden State. The wannabe weird and trying to be so cute girl just didn't play well with me. Tia's husband (piercing light blue/grey eyes) and all tatted up  was at the bar, he works at Honda designing their prototypes and they were going to share some chickpeas for dinner.

 

On my last train to get home, I see this other good-looking bitch. She just had puppies or so the owner tells.

Bar Hopping Series-Book Donations, Buying Drinks for Two Underage Hotties and Getting Rick Rolled

,After the disappointment at Karla's, I took the Gold Line. At the Heritage Square and Cypress Station, the two nymphets noticed me and I noticed them. I played it cool and I got off at the Highland Park station. The two nymphets saw me getting off my stop, saw me switch directions and they definitely started to follow me. I ran quickly to the book booth to make my donations. I intentionally left them behind so I could drop off the books and take a piss at Follerrio's.

By the end of the evening, these were the books that were left.

After my piss at Follerio's, I remembered they were walking on the opposite side of Figueroa. So I walked back down towards Avenue 54. The two nymphets were waiting or pretending to wait for a bus. I started to walk up Avenue 54 toward Franklin High School. The two nymphets started to follow me again.  I asked the less buxom one, "You're not going to the same place I am are you?" We started to chit chat. I learned they're still underage. "Kimberly" is 19 years old. "Nicole" didn't give her age. I don't know why, but I got a feeling they were giving me aliases instead of their real names. Nicole wore a white blouse and had prettier facial features. Kimberly was more buxom and flaunted her ampleness with a pink colored string halter top. Both wore tight fitting jeans. Nicole said when she turned 21, she would celebrate in Vegas. I learned they live around Cypress Park. There isn't much going on in Cypress Park. I tell them there are 3 bars (actually 4 bars if you count the pool hall) on York Blvd and I'm drinking at the two places I've never been. They asked why I'm doing this alone. I told because I'm a rogue male. They didn't understand what the word rogue meant. I didn't bother to explain my sensibilities for the word in terms of being an elephant who is not with the herd but likes being apart. Nor did they understand the word penitentiary as I came to describe Franklin High School. I had to simplify and say jail. Yet both were adept at getting me to buy them 2 soft drinks and a bag of chips for $5.61 at the liquor store on Avenue 54 and York. Earlier on our walk I asked for their number. Kimberly gave me the number 944-5507. I didn't bother to add it to my cell phone because I thought it was fake. I asked them for their number again thinking they might give me the real thing. 944-5507 I wrote it on my moleskin.

The lyrics that later came to my mind to describe the two nymphets is "the female of the species is more deadly than the male."

Bar Hopping Series-Emily Where Are You?

I'm finally back in Karla's. I was hoping to see Emily. Gabriella and Leti were tending bar. Why is it I can't keep a good thing?

Say hello to my little friend. Halloween is a favorite holiday next to Christmas.

Bar Hopping Series-La Cuevita (Lesbos, Ariel, Glenda)

How did the evening end? I drove towards the bus stop and there was Glenda. I hadn't seen her in months. I asked her if she wanted a ride. She said no thanks the bus is coming. I looked in my rear view mirror and sure enough the bus was approaching. Crap! I just drove home.

Prior to this let down, I traded stories with Ariel. She was about five foots seven, pleasant facial features, thin lips with a light birthmark to the left of her forehead. She wore slightly torn blue jeans and a green tee shirt. Originally from Brentwood in Northern California, a small town with a population of 5,000. She is the younger sibling of two girls. Her mother got pregnant when she was 16 and was ostracized by the town. I commented it sounded like Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlett Letter. She was studying to be a surgeon (too much work and no life as a surgeon-she said) but gave it up to become a pastry chef. Her father was a chef. Her mother was a loan officer. Ariel told stories of not be able to access her apartment because a couple was having sex on the stairwell. She talked about being chased by a homeless guy into Target and getting protection from Target security employees. She talked about a guy who would jump out of bushes naked to freak people out. Some guy spilled coffee on himself when that happened. Her brother-in-law took her hiking at LA Crest, the foothills of Pasadena. Her brother-in-law also took her to a strip bar. Her brother-in-law and her sister enjoyed going to strip bars. Ariel lives in North Hollywood and works in Pasadena.

Prior to this, I hung out with 2 lesbos and a guy I mistook to be gay (embarrassingly) at La Cuevita in Highland Park. I forgot the butch lesbo's name, the femme lesbo's name is Gretchen, and the guy I mistook to be gay because he was so introverted is Ivan. Ivan is African/American with a tightly shaved mustache and beard. Gretchen is blond with hair that almost touched her shoulders and she wore a dark colored dress, originally from Nebraska. Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot wore jeans and a black t-shirt and shaped her blond hair into a pompadour. The lesbos were both lawyers. Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot represented plaintiffs against corporations. Gretchen is an advocate for foster children. Ivan is a biologist. Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot is originally from the San Fernando Valley. I chided her on inability to speak Valley because she didn't start ever word with "like". The conversation started when Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot called for a drink and I asked her whats in the drink. I forget the name of the drink but it has orange juice, cranberry juice and vodka. I combination of Screw Driver and Cape Cod. Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot impressed me because she had a encyclopedic knowledge of mixed drinks. Alchy's appreciation for another Alchy. We traded our life history based on the places we've lived. The lesbos went back east for their education, stayed in San Francisco and are now currently living in Los Angeles. I brought up the subject of how Judy Garland is associated with the gay struggle. Lesbos came back with how Dolly Parton is associated with gay struggle in the south and mid-west. I said I like Dolly a lot and how remarkable her song writing skills are especially since she had written "I Will Always Love You." The two lesbos wanted to have a kid. Gretchen said wanted a Jewish baby just to match Butch lesbo's religious/ethnic background. Butch lesbo demurred and said the Jewish sperm has gone down in quality. I was incredulous. I rhetorically argued back: "how could the Diaspora make sperm weaker?". I cited the example of the African American, Jamaicans, and the Taiwanese. I made the claim that most Taiwanese are over 6 feet because only the fittest survived in the forced march to avoid death Mao's counter culture Red Guards. I asked whether they would choose the the sperm donor to be a friend or anonymous. The thought of their 6 foot tall, blond, blue eyed friend, but they could go either way. I asked how they met. Prior to this question, we got into a discussion about meeting people on the internet. Meeting on the internet was not relevant to them. Butch-lesbo-whose-name-I-forgot said she got fed up trying to meet people on the internet in college and said she simply threw a party at her place. There she became got introduced to Gretchen but she also became involved with her law professor who was married. I jokingly called her a "home wrecker". So ever since then Gretchen and her have been a couple. They drank mixed drinks and $1.00 mescal shots. I had three stouts (see picture above).
Prior to entering La Cuevita while getting off the Gold Line at the Highland station I saw a fight between two cabrons. One cabron got the other on the ground and wailed on him.

Bar Hopping Series - Falling in Love with a Chicana Zapatista Revolutionary

 After a Corona at La Paloma, I took in the scene in at the street fair on Mariachi Plaza.

 A few people stood up and addressed the crowd. One wild eyed woman gave an impassioned speech in Spanish. I was captivated. I talked with her and learned she was demonstrating against

 the rigged Mexican presidential election. Chicana, Anti-PRI, Zapatista revolutionaries with joie de vive are so sexy.  Kinda like a female version of Subcommondante Marcos but not so hairy. She had to pass out

 her flyers so I dashed off to get some nachos and sweet cucumber juice.

  By the time I got back she was gone, all I had left was my nachos and sweet cucumber juice.

Bar Hopping Series - La Paloma (San Martin of Tours the bar's patron saint)

They actually carded me for this drink.

 Got to talking to Mexican ex-pats barflys and I asked about who the patron saint of the bar is. The woman didn't know. The older guy next to me said its San Martin. I wiki'ed the patron saint. San Martin is known for

 cutting his military cloak in half and sharing it with another pool soul. He is the patron saint against poverty, patron saint of equestrians, geese and ironically patron saint against alcoholism. I'll drink to that.

Bar Hopping Series - "I'm so drunk, I blacked out and my friends told me how bad it was" stories

Met a couple at the bar in Tenno Sushi and traded "I'm so drunk, I blacked out and my friends told me how bad it was" story. Her friend was so drunk at a concert when he went to the restroom he couldn't find his way back and she had to go looking for him so she missed the whole concert. The band was making a reunion tour and would not be getting back together ever. Her friend got so drunk at a karaoke bar her friend started jumping around all the lounge seats and breaking glassware. Her friends only comment after the drunk episode was "I did that?"

In Karla's, I traded "I'm so drunk, I blacked out and my friends told me how bad it was" stories with Emily who tends bar at the place. Last week Emily got so drunk at Tenno Sushi she is banned from the place.

Bar Hopping Series - Redz "Its a Michilada not a Michilinda, pendejo."

At Redz, I stand corrected by man-faced-butch-girl Carolina telling me "Its a Michilada not a Michilinda, pendejo." Michilada is made with tomato juice, tapatio, and any light beer. My beer of preference for this East LA bar hop is a Corona.

What bar food to pair the Michilada with? Lupita's pica pata with radish and onion. One of the guys from Lupita's Restaurant brought in the spicy pig knuckles. Not very kosher, not very halal but very Mexican.
The decor in Redz is...well there is a disco bar hanging from the ceiling I don't think I need to say more.

Bar Hopping Series - La Bufador (Soft Core Porn above the bar)

 Barflys. Soccer on LCD screens. A poster of a buxom women bent over in her undies on a bed over the bar. Quiche art celebrating "Cabrons-Viva Mi Raza". My first stop on my bar hop in East LA.